Sometimes...I don't know about you...but I get restless and I am unsure of where it comes from. I get this feeling deep down in my gut....deep down in my heart & soul...that is stirring and speaking to me...pushing me to move on to somewhere else...and most of the time...I am not sure where this "else" is...I just know that I get this feeling of wanting something new...new to work on and get excited about...new to me...new to my sense of creativity...new to my heart....new to my body and mind...just...new.
Newness...it describes something as fresh...out of our understanding and experience...difference...not the same old routine...a pivot...like when we get a new car...or a new home...a new place to live...a new job...a new relationship...a new child to raise....a new hobby...a new friend...a new lease on life...travel to a new place...a new discovery...a new lesson learned...the joy from this...there's nothing like it.
I am always on the lookout for something new to me...something I don't "know" but want to learn...but it occurs to me that there are ways of being that are foreign to me. Ways in the world I do not relate to.
For example...I do not know what it is like to not have a problem with my weight. Some folks have never been heavy so they can't relate to how a person gets 100 + lbs overweight. I don't get how they can maintain a healthy "normal" weight. I first gained extra weight at age 8 yrs. I have tried...I have lost a lot of weight at one time...I have made changes...and still...here I am...and I am sick about it...both emotionally and physically...literally...hell of a price to pay...for hiding from my pain.
Another example would be money. I grew up middle income...as an adult I have been poor, raising 3 kids, barely scraping by with bare cupboards, getting evicted and literally put out on a curb with my kids in tow by a sheriff...and have also been various levels of middle income...but have not been able to breach that ceiling. I work like a slave, I try to learn and educate myself on financial matters and be financially literate...but I just don't ever seem to pull away from where I am stuck at...much like my weight...maybe even for the same reason...I don't know...
I work for other people...the safety and security of having a position that is dependable where I have some challenge but a lot of structure...which I constantly battle against and conform to all at the same time...where my time is not mine...my time belongs to someone else...an illusion...yes I know...but all the same for all intents and purposes...it is a truth during those hours...for a paycheck...for retirement...for insurance...for the safety of my family and myself...for what? Am I not capable of anything else....anything more...to grow my own...something?
New...newness...I guess it also represents freedom doesn't it? A feeling of freedom at least. I mean I understand that it isn't really being free...but it does have a representation of freedom...again...an illusion....but at least a sense of it...
Freedom from what exactly? Freedom from my way of being in the world? Freedom from the life I have always known and lived? Freedom from repetitive mistakes that create drives and needs of which I have outgrown? Or is it simply freedom from habits? Old ways of being that I now recognize as unhealthy and wasteful? Ways of being that are making me sick and pushing me towards living something new...living something different...living...truly...living.
New...different...change...
Change comes hard to me. It isn't that I don't like it because I like....new. I like going into uncharted waters and exploring to learn and grow. I get off on that.
But I like the familiar too...and it is comfortable...reassuring...safe..secure...home...no fear...no challenge either..but no fear...
Hmm...maybe fear is the real issue...doing something that scares you...breaking down the fears and walls...because I do LOVE "that" feeling. Striking fear in the heart of fear. Is that the same thing as doing something that scares you to death? Maybe...maybe...
All I feel like I know...is that my personal challenge...is to become a better me...and I don't know if there is anything more to life than that...
skip to main |
skip to sidebar
Posts
3 comments:
Babe, can I go with you? I want something NEW too. I want to feel something different, but not get rid of what I know either. It isn't that I don't like what is familiar - I do. I like what I know, I just want to experience something I DON'T know too. I want change, from my toes to my fingers. Funny how we fight against what we actually need. Hmm.
Take me with you babe, I am ready to jump.
What you think is who you are… “If one simply concentrates on ideas and opinions perceptions and points of view. We will begin to see who we are because who we are is in what we think.”
Themes…
Because, you’ve see another acquire, so you pursue. Soon your pursuit has lead you far from what you understood and without a clear path on which to return. Along the way, you encountered themes of apprehension, focus and self discover. Only to be given misapprehension, misdirection and self deception.
You are asking for assistance.
The assistance I can offer arises from what is.
Take a stand on the essence of the word. After purifying speech and retaining it in the mind, becoming centered with the inner light such that no shadow is cast.
Focus ones statements to “what is“….
For your harmony, for your mind, for your spirit.
Fear?
You state; “… I do not know what it is like to not have a problem with my weight.”
For you to become healthy in mind, body and spirit.
You must be willing to say; “what is”
Example; “…You know what it is like to have a weight problem”
From that you can increase the strength, focus and power you need. And achieve the accord you long to have. Within the limited amount of time you have to succeed.
Freedom?
Your hidden themes have been about achievement, recognition, accolades. You’ve hidden your personal aspirations by substituting many words in front of these themes. And from time to time you reveal an even more insidious form. Selfishness.
Your greatest freedom is that all your efforts, suffered tribulations and profits will only be used to serve another. The hidden quality of selfishness is in the effortless way in which it can be used. It is a power that the laziest of people wield.
Newness?
The newest challenge is to be among those working to guide the social consciousness, societies acceptance away from the specious themes that are governing.
Do not look upon this world with fear and loathing. Bravely face whatever is offered.
Newness … Vapid
How is a thought tied to so much that we own and so much meaning that we take on? Is it that we are simply what we think? Are we that simple or is it deeper than simple reflection?
If we think about something it affects us...meaning how we feel. If we feel something then it will change our perception. Our behaviour is challenged and changed by what we feel as well as what we think. So if we think something then it can change how we feel as well as how we behave.
So...what we think...really...is who we are. If one simply concentrates on ideas and opinions....perceptions and points of view...we will begin to see who we are...because who we are is in what we think.
Unfortunately...most of us do not live by this understanding and are not careful with our thoughts. We allow negativity, suspicion, stress, frustration, resentment, and immaturity to rule our minds. The person that we hurt the most in doing this is ourselves. Can we truly be honest and respectful in our lives if we allow these negative and destructive paths to lead us?
I truly believe that we need to focus on the things that bring us to our joy.
The problem for many is...they do not even know what their joy...even is. So the question is...how do you discover your joy? If you already know what your joy is...then the quest is how do you participate in your joy? What will it take for you to be happy?
This is a good question because we quite often approach our lives with a get-me-by attitude. But searching for your joy and focusing on being happy are not easy things to do. Attaining the balance needed to be truly happy is a great deal of work and therefore not easy...but it is worth it...because ultimately...balance...is the best way to finding peace...and finding peace...inside oneself....finding balance...is about finding one's joy.
Denial is more persuasive than logic could ever hope to be.
Post a Comment