As human beings...we are all meaning making machines...
We make meaning out of anything...we make meaning out of everything....we make meaning out of nothing at all...we put meaning in where it actually doesn't even belong...and we sometimes...many times...credit meanings to a place which they have not been earned...
We tell ourselves all sorts of things in our heart of hearts...when we are alone...the things we believe of ourselves to be truths...which we write as scripts when we were children...not the things that we sell to the world about ourselves...our face to the world in a way....because the face the world sees quite often is not the real us but a projection of what we believe the world wants us to be...the best foot forward so to speak...but the things that we believe about ourselves...in the dark...in the corners of ourselves...nasty negative things...the things we actually believe...which at some point in early childhood...for a variety of reasons...we took on as our own personal definition...
A definition that from the beginning...was never an actual truth...but simply a perception...something that we came to believe about ourselves...I'm not likable...I'm not lovable...I'm not worthy...I'm not valuable or "worth it"....and for whatever reason...at the time....the perception seemed real to us...
But the truth is...really....whatever created the belief...was...never...real.....it was never ever real...never a real truth...it was always just a belief...just a meaning that was attributed to some event or statement that somehow transformed in a persons mind and belief system...and they took it into themselves...turned it into their own personal truth...so that their experiences underlined this belief...see?!? I failed!...I fell!...I screwed this up!...I knew I wasn't likable, lovable, worthy, valuable...so one creates defenses in order to help one cope...be strong...survive...but the definition?...was never real...
This was a story...a script....one wrote for themselves...in early childhood...so one's personal definition has come from a four, five,or six year old...and one's actions, beliefs, and experiences...even in adulthood...are guided by the personal definition of a child...
Meaning making machines....
What meanings have you attributed since you started reading this?
See what I mean?
How many meanings are real? How many things do we create meanings in because we "need" it to mean something? How many meanings are there to help us simply feel safe and secure? How much of our meanings actually mean something? I mean...welp...I ask you...what does it mean to you?
The funny thing is...sometimes....it doesn't mean anything at all...and we?....we have to find a way to accept that...because that itself....in and of itself...means something to us.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Time...
Have you ever noticed how time seems to change in different areas of one's life? It is the same sixty minute clock...the same 365 day calendar...the same 60 second minute...but somehow...someway...the older that I get...everything seems to be speeding up. I feel like I am on a ride and I am headed downhill...and as time goes on...I am picking up speed. The momentum is increasing and I am somehow just along for the ride.
Meaning that I can't stop this...it seems....no matter how hard I try to slow it down...no matter how much effort I put in...no matter how far I have come...no matter what I say...think...scream...whisper...hear...react to...calm down...meditate...become mindful of in any moment...ponder...wonder...or cartwheel my way through this life...I can't seem to find the brakes. Not to stop it necessarily...cause that isn't really what I want...just slow down a bit...
I have three grown children...four in all. Two sons and two daughters in that order. They are currently 25, 23, just recently turned 21 years...and the little one is now 22 months. I watched my older three grow and it amazed me because no matter how good or bad things got...time marched on and they grew. They are all amazing people and I am very proud of each of them. But watching them grow and become the people who they have become was very hard...because...well...there has been so much that has happened...and so much to see...sooo much to learn...and teach...and I wanted what I could not have...which was to hang on to those years...but time changes that...time changes the relationships...as it should...but there is a piece of me that remembers...and it makes me smile...and want to cry...all at the same time.
The kicker here...is that almost two years ago now...I started all over...and I LOVE it...and I fear it...and I am enjoying it...all at the same time. Time is such a trip. I didn't have gray hair the first time around. I didn't have a hitch in my giddy up...and I didn't look in the mirror and wonder what the hell happened to me. I have all those things going on now...I try not to dwell on any of it too much...but it is all there...and yet...here I am...with our Sarah Bear in tow...doing it all again...but this time...things are a bit different.
I find myself already missing things that have passed...because I already have the experience of having it...and then having to let it go...because that is the nature of time...and of parenting...because Sarah is growing so fast...and learning at a rate that amazes me...she is truly awesome. I love that little girl...and the time I get to have with her is precious to me. She is a joy in my life and an absolute blessing in every way and sense of the word....and I am already missing the time that is slipping away...it is all bittersweet...but that is the balance of life...anything in too large a quantity is unhealthy...anything overdone is somehow less than...so maybe it is with time as well.
If we were to have more time...for ourselves...with our children....which I have often wished for and wondered about...would it actually be worth it? Better for us? Better for them? Would we do the right thing with that gift? I would like to think that I would...but I am not so sure...I hope that I would...but I wonder...maybe God knows what He is doing after all right? Maybe this is just as it is supposed to be...and because of that...it is up to us...and the effort that we make of it...to make our time quality time...and not wasted time...I see so much waste through my work...and it is such a problem and a shame...there is sooo much pain out there...it is painful to see...and yet...it is a good thing that time is there...to heal us...and lead us to the next phase...and help us find our way.
Meaning that I can't stop this...it seems....no matter how hard I try to slow it down...no matter how much effort I put in...no matter how far I have come...no matter what I say...think...scream...whisper...hear...react to...calm down...meditate...become mindful of in any moment...ponder...wonder...or cartwheel my way through this life...I can't seem to find the brakes. Not to stop it necessarily...cause that isn't really what I want...just slow down a bit...
I have three grown children...four in all. Two sons and two daughters in that order. They are currently 25, 23, just recently turned 21 years...and the little one is now 22 months. I watched my older three grow and it amazed me because no matter how good or bad things got...time marched on and they grew. They are all amazing people and I am very proud of each of them. But watching them grow and become the people who they have become was very hard...because...well...there has been so much that has happened...and so much to see...sooo much to learn...and teach...and I wanted what I could not have...which was to hang on to those years...but time changes that...time changes the relationships...as it should...but there is a piece of me that remembers...and it makes me smile...and want to cry...all at the same time.
The kicker here...is that almost two years ago now...I started all over...and I LOVE it...and I fear it...and I am enjoying it...all at the same time. Time is such a trip. I didn't have gray hair the first time around. I didn't have a hitch in my giddy up...and I didn't look in the mirror and wonder what the hell happened to me. I have all those things going on now...I try not to dwell on any of it too much...but it is all there...and yet...here I am...with our Sarah Bear in tow...doing it all again...but this time...things are a bit different.
I find myself already missing things that have passed...because I already have the experience of having it...and then having to let it go...because that is the nature of time...and of parenting...because Sarah is growing so fast...and learning at a rate that amazes me...she is truly awesome. I love that little girl...and the time I get to have with her is precious to me. She is a joy in my life and an absolute blessing in every way and sense of the word....and I am already missing the time that is slipping away...it is all bittersweet...but that is the balance of life...anything in too large a quantity is unhealthy...anything overdone is somehow less than...so maybe it is with time as well.
If we were to have more time...for ourselves...with our children....which I have often wished for and wondered about...would it actually be worth it? Better for us? Better for them? Would we do the right thing with that gift? I would like to think that I would...but I am not so sure...I hope that I would...but I wonder...maybe God knows what He is doing after all right? Maybe this is just as it is supposed to be...and because of that...it is up to us...and the effort that we make of it...to make our time quality time...and not wasted time...I see so much waste through my work...and it is such a problem and a shame...there is sooo much pain out there...it is painful to see...and yet...it is a good thing that time is there...to heal us...and lead us to the next phase...and help us find our way.
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Process...
Everything...has a process.
Each thing we do...each nuance of our lives...each pattern we repeat...each dollar we earn and dime we spend...each word we utter and thought we justify...each cold we catch and form of travel we take...each sport or hobby we embark on...each class we take or creative endeavor we create...each job we undertake...each argument we make...each relationship we work through...each chapter of our lives we begin and end...everything....has and is...a process.
The trick to learning something...to really getting "it"...is to figure out it's process. So there is no amount of money you can not make...no business you can't build...no amount of love you can not create...no amount of pleasure you can't reap...no amount of satisfaction you can not reach...no path to enlightenment you can not take...if you are willing to put in the work...to learning the process.
Do you want something in your life? Is there something missing for you? Is there a part of you that has a wish that needs to be fulfilled? Is there a wish that you do not have but think you should have? Hope you can find? Something you want to learn? Something you want to earn?
Whatever it is for you....there is a process...a way of discovering it if you do not know....and....attaining it if you do. All you need to do...is answer one simple question...(OK OK it isn't THAT simple a question LOL).......that question is....what....do....you....want? Once you have something in mind...there is a process to figuring out a way to make it happen...and you can make it happen. First though...you have to know...what you want.
There is even a process to figuring out a process. Whenever I teach anything...the very first thing I like to start with...is quite simply...a definition. So first....define what it is you want to learn...or are going to study. Once you know and can spell out exactly what it is that you are going after...define what that thing means to you....and the rest is just fleshing out the details.
There are many ways to flesh out details and figure out a process...Internet searching, libraries, book stores, gurus, mentors, volunteering, information interviews, pleasant conversations with others who already know about what you want to know, therapy, counseling, support groups, community programs, classes, getting certificates and degrees, instructional tapes/CD's/DVD's, experimentation, risk taking, and many many other ways to try to get information and direction towards anything and everything you want to accomplish.
The key to success and living your dreams....whatever they may be....is in the process....it is the journey...not the destination....it is the process....that will teach you...inspire you...lead you...and help you to overcome. Find the process...and you can fulfill your hopes...your desires....your dreams....whatever they may be. Find the process....find YOUR process....
Each thing we do...each nuance of our lives...each pattern we repeat...each dollar we earn and dime we spend...each word we utter and thought we justify...each cold we catch and form of travel we take...each sport or hobby we embark on...each class we take or creative endeavor we create...each job we undertake...each argument we make...each relationship we work through...each chapter of our lives we begin and end...everything....has and is...a process.
The trick to learning something...to really getting "it"...is to figure out it's process. So there is no amount of money you can not make...no business you can't build...no amount of love you can not create...no amount of pleasure you can't reap...no amount of satisfaction you can not reach...no path to enlightenment you can not take...if you are willing to put in the work...to learning the process.
Do you want something in your life? Is there something missing for you? Is there a part of you that has a wish that needs to be fulfilled? Is there a wish that you do not have but think you should have? Hope you can find? Something you want to learn? Something you want to earn?
Whatever it is for you....there is a process...a way of discovering it if you do not know....and....attaining it if you do. All you need to do...is answer one simple question...(OK OK it isn't THAT simple a question LOL).......that question is....what....do....you....want? Once you have something in mind...there is a process to figuring out a way to make it happen...and you can make it happen. First though...you have to know...what you want.
There is even a process to figuring out a process. Whenever I teach anything...the very first thing I like to start with...is quite simply...a definition. So first....define what it is you want to learn...or are going to study. Once you know and can spell out exactly what it is that you are going after...define what that thing means to you....and the rest is just fleshing out the details.
There are many ways to flesh out details and figure out a process...Internet searching, libraries, book stores, gurus, mentors, volunteering, information interviews, pleasant conversations with others who already know about what you want to know, therapy, counseling, support groups, community programs, classes, getting certificates and degrees, instructional tapes/CD's/DVD's, experimentation, risk taking, and many many other ways to try to get information and direction towards anything and everything you want to accomplish.
The key to success and living your dreams....whatever they may be....is in the process....it is the journey...not the destination....it is the process....that will teach you...inspire you...lead you...and help you to overcome. Find the process...and you can fulfill your hopes...your desires....your dreams....whatever they may be. Find the process....find YOUR process....
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Effort
I was traveling down the Interstate yesterday taking my daughter to a Dr. appointment in another town about 50 miles away and I saw a very large bird in flight...hawk I think...beautiful...soaring...effortlessly...lifting and shifting on the long breath of the wind...and the word that came to my troubled mind in the moment was freedom. Freedom to be who he/she is....whether just out for an afternoon cruise or looking for a meal. Freedom to just be. Freedom to do with one's time what one will choose...instead of what is so often forced upon us.
Freedom.
Then it occured to me that the freedom I was imagining wasn't really real. It was after all...my imagination...all too real to me and me alone...but to the hawk...more than likely...they weren't feeling free...they were probably hungry and feeling the need to feed without the freedom of traveling to a local supermarket to achieve one's goal....Mr./Ms. hawk has to work for it...of course even in this freedom one isn't really free...because it takes some sort of way to pay for all these choices in the grocery store...and without the money to exchange...well...there ain't no free lunch....as they say...so where is all this freedom?...good question...
I love the word...freedom. I love the idea of freedom...although I am not sure which I love more...the word or the idea...I love it so much that I thought about tattooing it across my back...but the more I thought about it...the more I started to come to the conclusion...that it isn't really the idea of freedom that gets me so engaged...it was what freedom represents to me. In a word...my favorite word...of all words...serenity. The idea of being free to me is the opportunity to truly find serenity in my life...in every aspect of my life...without interference from governments, employers, advertisers, peddlers, wars, mind games, emotional disease, trauma, drama, or even my own voice...which is the loudest of them all. To truly find a place in me...that is serene...that I can find my serenity...this is my desire...this is my goal...this is my wish...
Right about now you might be wondering...why the heck did he title this effort? It is because of that hawk....it is because of the journey of my mind...my heart...my spirit...it is because of the countless ways that I try to find that serenity...that freedom...that freedom of my own time...and my own mind...that I must pursue...I must actively seek...putting out the effort...the DOING....of what is ultimately my journey...and the consistant feeling of becoming lost in the struggle...and then having to find me again...and find that still small voice of God in me again...that is what makes this a struggle...and what takes the effort...towards my own personal growth...finding a way...to BE...in the now...like Mr./Ms. hawk....just being in the now...not in the future or in the past...just right now...
The effort...the struggle...the journey...is the story...is my story...my own personal truth...as it is for each of us...and we find it where we will...wherever we will...wherever we are open to seeing what is already there...in the moment...in the now. So I would say...to other fellow weary travelors and seekers of their own personal truths...look....see what is already there...and be open to the message that comes to you from it...for it does speak to you...if you will just get yourself out of the way...if only...so that you can hear it. Just as the hawk soars...what does it speak to you?
Freedom.
Then it occured to me that the freedom I was imagining wasn't really real. It was after all...my imagination...all too real to me and me alone...but to the hawk...more than likely...they weren't feeling free...they were probably hungry and feeling the need to feed without the freedom of traveling to a local supermarket to achieve one's goal....Mr./Ms. hawk has to work for it...of course even in this freedom one isn't really free...because it takes some sort of way to pay for all these choices in the grocery store...and without the money to exchange...well...there ain't no free lunch....as they say...so where is all this freedom?...good question...
I love the word...freedom. I love the idea of freedom...although I am not sure which I love more...the word or the idea...I love it so much that I thought about tattooing it across my back...but the more I thought about it...the more I started to come to the conclusion...that it isn't really the idea of freedom that gets me so engaged...it was what freedom represents to me. In a word...my favorite word...of all words...serenity. The idea of being free to me is the opportunity to truly find serenity in my life...in every aspect of my life...without interference from governments, employers, advertisers, peddlers, wars, mind games, emotional disease, trauma, drama, or even my own voice...which is the loudest of them all. To truly find a place in me...that is serene...that I can find my serenity...this is my desire...this is my goal...this is my wish...
Right about now you might be wondering...why the heck did he title this effort? It is because of that hawk....it is because of the journey of my mind...my heart...my spirit...it is because of the countless ways that I try to find that serenity...that freedom...that freedom of my own time...and my own mind...that I must pursue...I must actively seek...putting out the effort...the DOING....of what is ultimately my journey...and the consistant feeling of becoming lost in the struggle...and then having to find me again...and find that still small voice of God in me again...that is what makes this a struggle...and what takes the effort...towards my own personal growth...finding a way...to BE...in the now...like Mr./Ms. hawk....just being in the now...not in the future or in the past...just right now...
The effort...the struggle...the journey...is the story...is my story...my own personal truth...as it is for each of us...and we find it where we will...wherever we will...wherever we are open to seeing what is already there...in the moment...in the now. So I would say...to other fellow weary travelors and seekers of their own personal truths...look....see what is already there...and be open to the message that comes to you from it...for it does speak to you...if you will just get yourself out of the way...if only...so that you can hear it. Just as the hawk soars...what does it speak to you?
Sunday, May 13, 2007
1st post...new addition
OK...today is the first....of many to come...and I have finally joined the electronic world...of putting my two cents in....or should it be sense...since this is The Thought Lounge....a place meant for casual statements and deep thought...blind sensibilities with hopefullness in abundant display with an occasional swipe at humor all wrapped up in what I will attempt to be something or someone with some intelligence...and something interesting to say.
I hope.
Or....maybe not and it'll be lame.
I will say I am seriously trying to not let that happen.....and all at once admitting that it is a distinct possibility...all in the same type written breath. SO...we will see...as for now....the journey....has begun.
I hope.
Or....maybe not and it'll be lame.
I will say I am seriously trying to not let that happen.....and all at once admitting that it is a distinct possibility...all in the same type written breath. SO...we will see...as for now....the journey....has begun.
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